Abigail was mostly planned. We had decided at the spur of the moment to start trying, and apparently it was the right time! Even her name came easy, popping into my head on a random day and my husband instantly agreed to it. At 20 weeks, we went in for what was supposed to be the most exciting appointment of a pregnancy: the ultrasound where you find out the gender of your baby.
Unfortunately, while she was perfectly healthy in every way, I was already 1cm dilated with not enough cervix to do much but medicate, go on strict bed rest, and pray for the best. Two weeks later I more or less officially went into labor, coming into the hospital at 5cm dilated. But we had a lot of hope. Abigail was rambunctious. I felt her movements long before I should have. When they did an ultrasound at the hospital she made sure to kick the ultrasound wand. She squirmed away from nurses trying to get her heartbeat.
I know now that Heavenly Father was helping to maximize our time on this earth with her. She was healthy. She even gave out a little squawk when she arrived into the world. She fought with everything she had but she was just too young. Her little lungs were not quite ready. We had 2 precious hours to hold her and say goodbye. I made sure she spent most of that time with my husband. It only felt fair since I had been holding her for 22 weeks and feeling her move.
A cradle was chosen for Abigail shortly after she passed. It was a beautiful pastel rainbow color. Her pictures were taken in it. I sent the cradle with her, and kept the outer blanket and the heart. It helped us to feel love during a very dark day. We felt watched over and thought of.
As broken as our hearts still are, we're grateful for the time we had. She was alive just long enough for us to legally claim her, and it means the world, like it MUST be acknowledged that she lived. My husband is in the military, and after her passing we were given the opportunity to choose a duty station close to her resting place, just a couple hours from family. Just two weeks after we arrived, the Camp Fire rampaged through my hometown of Paradise, CA, displacing my parents and two grandmother's.
Abigail's last gift to us was to allow us to be there for my family and allowing us to shelter my parents and what few possessions they had escaped with in our new home for two weeks. She will forever be one of our greatest blessings.
The cradle inspired me to improve my own crochet skills, and I hope someday to be in the right emotional state to give back.
I will be forever awed and grateful that God had entrusted me for 22 weeks and 2 hours with someone who must've been so precious to Him He needed her home with Him that quickly.
Written by Kelsey Walls, mother to Abigail, born into Heaven 3/6/2018 in Wichita, Kansas