During my 28 week routine visit, I heard those terrible words no parent wants to hear. My baby had died. She was very active and when I went in to the office prior to tell them I wasn’t feeling her move, they reassured me they found her heartbeat and she was fine.
“Kick counts don’t start until 30 weeks” I was told. By the next visit she was gone. A mother’s instinct knows best. I rushed to the hospital and prepared for a c-section. Delaney was born at 11:45p on Sept 10, 2019.
When I held her for the first time she was snuggled in a white cradle with a pink flower. She looked at peace, warm and sleeping. I didn’t have the courage to take her out of the cradle. I just couldn’t disturb her. I held her and cried and kissed her and told her I loved her over and over again. I’m so grateful the only time I saw my baby, she was nestled in a cradle.
Finding the online community of bereaved parents and reading their stories makes me realize other people might have prepared for meeting their baby a little more than I did. I was distraught, in disbelief and I had no idea how to handle it. I do wish I spent more time with Delaney, that I took pictures. That maybe some of our family could have met her and held her. I will have all these regrets until the day I get to hold her again.
When I came home from the hospital, one of the first things I did was find out more about Bridget's Cradles. I was so touched and grateful for the cradle. I made a donation in my baby’s name right away, back in September. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making the experience of meeting my baby for the one and only time a bit more easy.
The picture above is one of the only pictures I have of her, taken by the nurse at the hospital. I found a wonderful artist and she turned it into a watercolor portrait (see first photo at the top). In this picture she is snuggled in a cradle. And all you can see is her face. I keep the memory keepsake under her urn. It reminds me of the only time I got to meet her. In the white cradle with the pink flower. We will meet our babies and hold them again one day.
Written by Cassandra Sosa, Delaney's mommy